Where is my Prince?

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One movie that I have recently watched said “It’s brave to ask what is, but it is actually braver to embrace what is”. I try to do the same thing, always, and over and over again, but I can never cross off the thought inside my head that keeps asking “Is this it? Is this all that I deserve?” I surely hope not.

Every day I keep on dreaming of a love that is stable enough to conquer life’s daily problems- of a partner who I can look up to and respect as an equal. I dream of a man who I can lean on to for emotional strength, and who can carry me in times of need. I dream of a man who will create visions of a lifelong future together with the realities in check. I dream of  a man ready to be a husband, someone I can proudly call my future child’s father.

Every day I keep on dreaming, and every day I slowly lose hope. Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I … I want to believe that at the fork of the road, my prince will be there, to hold my hand as we cross and find the way to the place where dreams turn to realities, where happily ever after still exists.

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Dating Someone You Don’t See Yourself Falling For

No matter how broken or damaged you think of yourself, it still gives you no right to play with someone’s heart.

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My rule
in dating is to never go beyond four or five dates with a person you do not see yourself falling for. It would create a false impression, and you would be leading someone to a pit of sorrow and failed hope. Try putting yourself on his shoes, and imagine what would you feel, after being led for so long, your money, time and heart invested so much only to learn that you are nothing more than a useful tool at time for the person you care deeply about.

If the person is very much in love with you and find it hard to let go, then at least have a heart and set him free. You are the stronger person in the situation and you need to act right. Stop giving yourself any excuse for doing so, for no matter how you look at the situation, what you are doing to both him and yourself is just not right.

You don’t love him and you know you never will. Why don’t you just end his misery and let him move on, so that one day, when he is over you, he could have a fair chance at a happy ever after.

Day 2

For the first time, in the longest time, I woke up in the middle of the night. The first thing I did was to check on my phone, to see if everything has went back to normal- but it didn’t. There wasn’t any calls or messages for me, and before I knew it, tears started pouring from my eyes. I can’t help myself. I couldn’t stop.

We have never been like this before. He used to never let 24 hours pass without us being okay, but it’s been almost forty-eight hours. His last words to me were ‘Sorry’ and I haven’t heard from him since. I tried calling and calling but all I got was endless ringing. Until he had enough, he had to tell me to stop.

I don’t even know what happened. We were okay, or at least I thought we were. All of a sudden, this. This is a familiar scene. It feels like more than eight years ago when a guy also did this to me. Disappear so suddenly, breaking my heart to pieces, after telling me to stop calling.

I have no idea what’s going on, but I do know something is not right. I do know that this pain is stabbing me like a cold knife repeatedly as each minute ticks by. The fact that I am now even writing about it means only that the pain is becoming intolerable. I keep going back to what maybe I did wrong. I couldn’t figure it out. I don’t know. We’ve been through everything and I already thought past is past.

As I write this down, I am scared it might be just the beginning of days and years of writhing pain. Is this as far as happy ever after gets me?

The Business of Falling in Love

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A relationship is comparable to a business. The first step is investing but instead of money, you invest yourself, your time and your heart. You need to work for it so you don’t lose it and to keep it a happy place, you need to love what you do, which in this case is, you need to love BEING in a relationship.

Just like a workplace, there are areas of a relationship that can stress you out, that can make you tired and sometimes want to quit. During these time, you must remind yourself of why you’re there and if that reason still exists then let it hold you in place.

You and your significant other becomes each other’s boss. Whether you notice it or not, you will find yourself asking for permission for the things you plan to do, even if you were doing it already even before you met that person. It’s because you don’t want to step out of line. In a workplace, your boss would probably give you suspension, a scolding, a warning or even fire you. In this case, you’d probably end up in a heated argument, a silent treatment or a break-up.

Falling in love is easy but being in one isn’t always a breeze. Sometimes it tend to be frustrating, tiring but you have to pick someone who makes all of it worth it. Invest on someone you know you’ll never get tired of working for, someone who will invest just as much as you do. Look for a partner and not an employee.

Cinderella’s blues

As my eyes let these salty tears fall, my heart gave a little twitch. It had been hurting for quite a while, but it is only tonight that I truly felt its pain. All of a sudden, my body felt heavier, as if there was a weight pressed on against my chest. How long have I been holding it back? What triggered this sudden rush of emotion? Is it my hormone or was it really just too much that it had to make itself known?

The worse thing about feeling this shattered is that I cannot even tell the reason why. Have I truly wasted my three years of existence believing that fairy tales are real and happy endings are possible for me when in reality, it never favors me? I am not the girl who a man kneels down to with roses on one hand and a promise of forever on the other. My romances have an expiration date. When will I ever learn?

Finally, I came across a man who I admire and have fallen for, and by a twist of fate and a little help from the universe, he fell for me too. In the beginning, it was all smiles and crazy times. It was good, and I should’ve stuck on to it, but I couldn’t. That was my mistake, wanting more that is. I should’ve been satisfied by whatever we were but I wasn’t. I didn’t just want his present, I wanted his future more. So it started, my hopes and dreams latched on to his words who I never should’ve held on to. He loves me but his love was not enough to pursue the future I had in mind.

Now I am here, in a middle of two roads, wondering which path to take. Do I have enough courage and life left to live should I choose to go alone, without him who holds my heart and soul? The thought of not being with him makes it hard for me to breathe. He is my air, my light, my love. Should I hold his hand and be stuck with him, knowing that I will never have a future will slowly kill me inside. I wonder which pain I could live with?

 How I wish he’s here beside me, hug me, console me, kiss me, and make me feel like everything is going to be alright. I just know that he would make me feel better, but why do I feel like he wouldn’t. Why do I feel like everything would fall apart the moment that he comes to me?

 Another chapter awaits, whether it is tragedy or comedy, I have no idea

Intramuros & Rizal, Bagumbayan Light and Sound Museum

INTRAMUROS

Intramuros, Manila is considered as the crown jewel of Spain during their occupation in the Philippines. I call it ‘Spain’s Little Kingdom’. Just like any royal city, it has once been surrounded by walls that separated those with pure-blood and they consider in their league with Filipinos they regard to as Indios. The only way for a Filipino to get in is if s/he will submit to slavery. The city is filled with memoirs of the Philippines during the 18th century wherein some has been preserved for Filipinos and tourist alike to know of the stories that had transpired beneath the walls.

The Museum
Located along Victoria St, about twelve to fifteen minute walk from the entrance near City Hall, is an establishment built certain events in the Philippine History that had led to the freedom of the country from Spain. This establishment is none other than Intramuros & Rizal, Bagumbayan Light and Sound Museum.

The museum has been divided to three eras, pre-colonial era, the Spanish regime, the story of Jose Rizal. Unlike other museums that only allows you to view artifacts and relics from various centuries, this museum offers something new and fun for both children and adult alike.

Inside, there are various sceneries set-up to set the mood of the narration to be told by a familiar voice we have heard so many times before during historical documentaries. For every scene, there will be a spot light directed towards a wax figure depicting the scene that is being told.

The first part is a cave-like scenery that tells of how the Spaniards had discovered the Philippines, up to the battle of Mactan. Some of the wax mannequins have voice-over when lighted to add a more realistic effect.

The second part, you will feel as if you are inside a ship, with moving waves across the windows. Later on, you will step on to shore where they will tell you of how trading and galleon trade works at the time.

Some of the mannequins actually move and would give you quite a shock if you are beside one of them. If you look closely, you will see that the hands are very detailed and realistic.

Among other scenes depicted is the tearing of cedulas of the Katipunero, the Cavite mutiny, Rizal’s stay in Europe, Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo, the death march, Gomburza, and up to the death of Jose Rizal.

At the end of the tour, you will walk towards doors opening showing the bright and sunny Intramuros, making you somewhat feel what the Filipinos then felt when they realize they are finally free from the claws of Spain.

Inside the Walls: Intramuros
From ruins and 18th century houses, there are many attractions that will surely feast one’s eyes as they walk along the walls of Intramuros.
The city also houses the famous Manila Cathedral which has been popular for the wedding of many known celebrities and for the festive ornaments and decorations that it has inside.
It is also home to Manila Bulletin, one of the country’s leading newspaper that brings to people unbiased day to day news in and out of the country.
There are still many museums and shops to pop-in to that lets you buy little souvenirs.
Last but not the list, there is also Fort Santiago, where one can trace the steps of Dr. Jose Rizal as he walk towards his final moments.

NOTE:AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO, NO PICTURES WERE TAKEN INSIDE THE MUSEUM AS THEY WERE PROHIBITED

Why You Shouldn’t Fear Rejection

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Many people would look at me and see a confident girl who can take over the world if she wanted to. With her charm, her wit, her mind, and everything that she is, it seems like she can get what she wants. What I’ve just written are just assumptions of course, I never really know what people thinks of me. Well news flash: I’m not perfect, I’m a scaredy cat, I’ve had my fair share of failures and mistakes that led me to be how I am today.

It saddens me when I hear people, especially those who I love and know, those people whose potentials are clearly burning brightly but are afraid to let the world see and experience it. They keep telling that they fear rejection, failure, and it is what holds them from trying.

I’m not good enough. I can’t do it. I don’t qualify. I don’t think I can These are the words that I often hear them use as an excuse. I really just don’t understand why. How do they know if they won’t even try? There is no harm in trying is what I say. So what if you don’t get it, it simply means that it isn’t for you. It has nothing to do with who you are, it doesn’t diminish your character, you’re still you, the wonderful you.

I’m the type of girl that grabs almost every opportunity that comes my way. I’m the queen of part-time, coupons and everything else. If there is something that interest me, I try it out. I’ve been rejected to job offer once, twice, as much as four. I’ve been denied chances to win on contest or even to participate in one. I’ve also been rejected on the aspect of love, and that was the biggest rejection of my life.

Long ago, I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak which caused an emotional trauma. I cried my eyes out for half a year and I felt like a zombie, meaning empty. I don’t know how to live. After almost four years of being a happy couple, he suddenly doesn’t want me anymore. Somewhere along the way, he decided he doesn’t want to be with me. With one phone call during Christmas, without any explanation whatsoever, he left me. At the time, I never wanted to try again, in love that is. For a hopeless romantic such as myself, that meant that I’ve really hit the down low.
I fearED that the person I might fall in love with next will not love me as well. I felt that no one would seriously, hopelessly fall in love with me.

Two years later, I met a wonderful guy. He has everything I wanted in a man, a stable job, a beautiful heart and mind, plus the attitude of a true man, and has good looks too. I was so afraid of trying to fall in love again. I was afraid and never even thought of the possibility of him liking me back. My fear had caused me him. I lost him, all because I was too afraid, and by the time I was ready to face my fear, it was too late. He did liked me, but he feared rejection too. It was an almost love story, one where we were but we weren’t.

That particular stage in my life had thought me the lesson, that I shouldn’t have been scared. Yes I’ve lost the person I almost or maybe I did fall in love with again, but that doesn’t mean that there is no one else out there for me. Soon enough, I met him, the guy who turned my life around.

He is the weirdest, coolest and astonishingly ridiculous person I’ve ever met. He stripped me off my vanity and insecurities. He made me feel special and happy, and loved. He is just so worth it, the pain and whatever it might cause me, that I just couldn’t NOT TRY to work things out. I’ve learned my lesson, so with everything I am, with trembling bones and pounding heart, I’ve admitted I love him. We’ve been together ever since, sure we have our dramas and other episodes of heartbreak but we fight off our obstacles hand in hand.

Dear Love, if you are reading this, I want you to know that I have fallen in love with you because you have a lovely character and yet there are still more of you I see that you seem to be blinded of. It hurts me that you don’t believe in yourself as much as you should. You’re talented, you’re awesome, you are just too lazy to try. Someday when you’re ready, which I hope is soon, I hope you get out there and show the world what you’re capable of. Get out there and together we’ll make all our dreams come true.

Dear Future Husband

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Dear Future Husband, wherefore art thou
How I wish that you are here with me now
Are you saving up to put a roof on my head
Do you also imagine carrying me out of bed?

Will you bring me home flowers just because
Kiss me on the forehead and even my toes
Play outside with our dear little girl
Remain as sweet even if our hair turn as white as pearl

Dear Future Husband, can I be your wife?
I’d like to share with you the rest of my life
I’ll be your partners in sickness and in health
We’ll share household chores and even our wealth

When will be the time for us to exchange vows
To live together on our little white house,
To share each other’s sighs and woes
For me to be solely and forever yours

Dear Nana

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Dear Nana, how I wish that you are here
To brush my hair and whisper love on my ear
Let me sit on your lap as I cry my eyes out
For Nana, I just got myself a broken heart

I fell in love with a handsome young lad
He’s the best thing that I’ve ever had
But then I screwed it up and said goodbye
Now I don’t know what to do but cry

Dear Nana, won’t you tell me things will be okay
That everything will be fine at the end of the day
Oh how I miss you, how I long for your advice
You were always so sweet and has always been wise

Nana, would you know if he’s coming back to me
Would you know if the two of us are meant to be?
Can we put a band-aid so my chest would stop hurting
For this pain I feel is just too consuming

A Poem For Elmer

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Dear Friend, has it been ten years already
We’re starting to grow old and I’m not ready
How I love to reminisce about our good old days
From puberty to college, we were together every phase

You were the one I cried to whenever my heart gets broken
You’re the goody two shoes that don’t let bad things happen
For every man in my life, you were there to scold me and support
For every teardrop that I shed, I had your hand to hold

No matter how far the distance that physically exists between us
I know that you will always be someone that I can trust
You’re the only person who can make my stomach hurt laughing
Just for being you, a funny, silly, wonderful being

Today is your birthday, sorry I can’t be there
Maybe on the next, or next next, heck we have forever
I’m here for the long run, the friend who give you headache
You can count on me to help you heal if you ever have heartbreaks