Hating someone on their birthday

Hey there World of WordPress,

It’s been such a long time since last I wrote, but right now I terribly need an outlet. I didn’t mean to be so mad, I didn’t mean to shout, but I couldn’t take it anymore.

I know it’s his birthday and I have no idea whether or not I did the right thing, but I just couldn’t shut up, at that very moment, I never hated him more. I felt ultimately betrayed. Having done so much for him, heck, everything for him, all I did was ask him for one favor, and he couldn’t even do it for me. I just asked him to put a word out and he won’t.

My mind went blank and all I could see was everything that he had done wrong. I couldn’t feel anything but hate at that very moment. It didn’t matter to me that it was his birthday, all that mattered was how betrayed I felt.

I cried and he left, and he kept on walking, and didn’t come back. Once the tears have settled down, I caught up with him and I said the worst things I could’ve said to him:

“I did everything for you to the point that I had to let go of every bit of my pride just to give you what you need ,etc. etc. I asked you for one thing and you couldn’t even do it for me. You’re so selfish and from now on I don’t want to love you anymore. I don’t care about you anymore. Go take care of your own life from now on.”

I expected the tears, the pain, the numbness, but I didn’t expect to feel like finally I could breathe. I got to say the words that I had almost choked upon. And then I ran.

I know I still love him, but what I don’t know is whether or not, I have the strength and will to actually go through what I said, or do I need to go back to him, apologize, and I seriously have no idea what to do…




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