For the first time, in the longest time, I woke up in the middle of the night. The first thing I did was to check on my phone, to see if everything has went back to normal- but it didn’t. There wasn’t any calls or messages for me, and before I knew it, tears started pouring from my eyes. I can’t help myself. I couldn’t stop.
We have never been like this before. He used to never let 24 hours pass without us being okay, but it’s been almost forty-eight hours. His last words to me were ‘Sorry’ and I haven’t heard from him since. I tried calling and calling but all I got was endless ringing. Until he had enough, he had to tell me to stop.
I don’t even know what happened. We were okay, or at least I thought we were. All of a sudden, this. This is a familiar scene. It feels like more than eight years ago when a guy also did this to me. Disappear so suddenly, breaking my heart to pieces, after telling me to stop calling.
I have no idea what’s going on, but I do know something is not right. I do know that this pain is stabbing me like a cold knife repeatedly as each minute ticks by. The fact that I am now even writing about it means only that the pain is becoming intolerable. I keep going back to what maybe I did wrong. I couldn’t figure it out. I don’t know. We’ve been through everything and I already thought past is past.
As I write this down, I am scared it might be just the beginning of days and years of writhing pain. Is this as far as happy ever after gets me?