As my eyes let these salty tears fall, my heart gave a little twitch. It had been hurting for quite a while, but it is only tonight that I truly felt its pain. All of a sudden, my body felt heavier, as if there was a weight pressed on against my chest. How long have I been holding it back? What triggered this sudden rush of emotion? Is it my hormone or was it really just too much that it had to make itself known?
The worse thing about feeling this shattered is that I cannot even tell the reason why. Have I truly wasted my three years of existence believing that fairy tales are real and happy endings are possible for me when in reality, it never favors me? I am not the girl who a man kneels down to with roses on one hand and a promise of forever on the other. My romances have an expiration date. When will I ever learn?
Finally, I came across a man who I admire and have fallen for, and by a twist of fate and a little help from the universe, he fell for me too. In the beginning, it was all smiles and crazy times. It was good, and I should’ve stuck on to it, but I couldn’t. That was my mistake, wanting more that is. I should’ve been satisfied by whatever we were but I wasn’t. I didn’t just want his present, I wanted his future more. So it started, my hopes and dreams latched on to his words who I never should’ve held on to. He loves me but his love was not enough to pursue the future I had in mind.
Now I am here, in a middle of two roads, wondering which path to take. Do I have enough courage and life left to live should I choose to go alone, without him who holds my heart and soul? The thought of not being with him makes it hard for me to breathe. He is my air, my light, my love. Should I hold his hand and be stuck with him, knowing that I will never have a future will slowly kill me inside. I wonder which pain I could live with?
How I wish he’s here beside me, hug me, console me, kiss me, and make me feel like everything is going to be alright. I just know that he would make me feel better, but why do I feel like he wouldn’t. Why do I feel like everything would fall apart the moment that he comes to me?
Another chapter awaits, whether it is tragedy or comedy, I have no idea