For Mr. What If

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Let me start off with an apology. I’m sorry for being so scared of getting hurt that I didn’t realize I was hurting you already. I did felt that there was something between us, I saw it in your eyes but I wouldn’t, couldn’t let myself believe. As real as it is, the fear of assumption swallowed me.
How could someone like you, someone handsome, intelligent, weird, cool and amazing as you fall for someone as average as me? I was too insecure as well. I had to guard my heart, I had to test the water, I had to pretend what I did not feel.
I did love you but pretended that I didn’t. I was madly, head over heels in love with you. There wasn’t a day with you that my heart didn’t feel like it’s going to jump out of my chest. I could not take you off of my mind. The days we spent apart were consumed with flashbacks from the day before.
I thought if I pretended we were nothing but friends, we’d remain like this for good. Sweet, close and special to one another. I took the opportunity for granted. I was so scared of change, I panicked.
Remember when we were taking a walk and I told you there was something I need to confess, you were waiting for me to say that I like you, but I didn’t. I was so stupid to not say it straight right there and then. I hurt you and I lost you.
When you started slipping away, I realized how wrong I was to do what I did. I wanted to right the wrong, but it was too late. Your heart was already closed. I’ve tried and tried to talk to you, but you kept on evading me, dreading the talk as much as I did.
When you invited me back to your life, I was just happy to be whatever I could be with you, a friend, an acquaintance, anything. I just couldn’t live a life without you in it.
There were moments when I wanted to fight again, because I saw it, we could’ve made a pretty good story, but I’m scared of losing you that I shut it off.
Now my heart belongs to someone else. He is as great as you are, he takes care of me the way you did. With him, I know my heart is in really good hands. Yet there will always be a fragment of my heart that will always be in love with you. A part of me that will never stop wondering ‘What if?’
You will always be the prince that taught me how to fall in love after a broken heart.


3 thoughts on “For Mr. What If

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