I have no concrete proof to say that these hypotheses of mine are valid. I don’t even know if it’s too much or not enough. I am no expert in relationships. My former was my first and last and it was the kind that sucked my life away, even if I am still breathing. I tried so hard to be the perfect girlfriend; I gave up my life just to please my significant other. I loved him more than myself. He was my life, that when he left, it took years before I started living again.
I said to myself, the next time I enter into a relationship, it will be different. I wouldn’t be too consumed. So I made this note to remind myself:
I believe that people should be with the person that they are closest to. They should be with the person that they first think of when they want to share something, whether good or bad. They should be with the person that makes them feel better about being themselves, someone they don’t feel the need to impress because they are secured that this person accepts them for who they are.
We should be with the person that we know we can trust be trusted in return. The person you’re with must be the person that you see as an equal, not someone superior or inferior to you. Someone you feel compelled to make happy without jeopardizing your own happiness. Someone whose heart you want to hold, protect and cherish as if it’s your own.
Once you enter a relationship, you do not merely love the other person but let yourself be loved by him/her as well. You do not give him/her your life but rather, you share it. You must keep in mind that you must not make a world of your own and exclude yourself from reality. Your two worlds must stay intact but now with a bridge in between.
When you do argue, make sure that you only argue about a single thing. Do not pile on and count the mistakes, especially those that were already forgiven before. Do not let a day pass by without resolving an issue. If the other person is too angry, give him/her a few hours and let the battlefield calm down. When you apologize, do not just say sorry, point out what you’ve done wrong and what you will do about it.
Never lie to your partner, even out of fear of not being forgiven. It will only make it worse when s/he finds out. If you did lie, do not let a week pass by without telling the truth. Finding it out when it’s too late to talk about it is the worst decision that one can make. When you do tell the truth, make sure that s/he is calm, remind him/her of your love and apologize. If s/he loves you, s/he will try to understand (unless it involves unforgivable sins i.e. cheating).
Your partner must be someone who knows how to turn your frown into a smile. One who knows all your deepest darkest secret and tells you his/hers as well. One you could laugh out loud with and do silly stuff with, one you can cry to, one who comforts you. Someone you know you will never get tired of being with, someone you know for certain will always have a hold in your heart for as long as oxygen is what you breathe in.
Ergo, s/he must not only be your lover, comforter, supporter, buddy, but the greatest friend you will allow yourself to have.