Ever since I was young, I have been taking care of myself. Being an eldest child, there isn’t an older brother or sister that I could come to whenever there are things that I don’t understand. I have to find a way to learn them on my own. Books became my best friends. They have been a companion to different lands, and have been a teacher to a lot of stuff. It is in books that I first learned how to kiss, what love feels like and all the other stuff in life. Hence, I was prepared for whatever might come, or so I thought.
Life in books is so much different from reality. I envy the girls with riches and princes and seem to have everything they needed in life. There were characters with such valour, they can do and say without being afraid of what others might think. Men treated them right, men look after them and me I have no one but myself.
Although I have a string of suitors, they weren’t any interest to me. I wanted a man who is a gentleman at heart and not because he is pursuing a woman. My friends, the guy ones, treats me so much as an equal that I think they have forgotten that I am lady. I am more of a man taking care of them. I may be in a dress but they would invite me to go hiking, no need to change clothes. No need to walk me home in the middle of the night because I can defend myself.
I never gave it a thought, until I’ve encountered a man who has first made me feel that I am a woman. He acknowledges the fact that I am strong but still fragile. I felt precious, special, a girl. He would walk me to and from home, buy me dinner, laugh with me and talk to me. He was like prince charming in real life. It felt like a fairy tale. The problem is, we are not fictional characters, we are real people whose mind change and stories divert. We didn’t end up together. Our timing was out of hitch, one too early, one too late. Still, now I know that there are guys out there who are worthy, who is a good man, and that I should not settle for less. If so, I must find one that is even more of what he was.
At first, it felt impossible. How could anyone surpass Mr.Nice Guy? He’s like the best person I’ve ever met. I was wrong, it could get better ,especially when the object of your affection reciprocates the emotion. The timing I’d say is a bit hurried and it wasn’t planned to be this way. This guy I’ve met next, he’s cool and awesome but you have to get to know him more before you really get a look at what type he is. In the outside, he looks like he doesn’t give a damn about you, he treats you cold, REALLY COLD, and breaks your heart multiple times without his knowledge. When he does notice you, he will take care of you, he will make you happy and you don’t have to be anyone but yourself. Then you now have the idea of how good he is and how this time he’s not gonna break you, but then you find out he does without your knowledge. He has a dark side, and would make you question everything about what he did for you. He would break you almost beyond repair.
Suddenly you feel tired and wanting to let go, and he shows up next to you telling you how’s scared he is to lose you. You are once again weak, and wanted nothing more than to comfort this man next to you. Your heart has melted and he is instantly forgiven although you know you are still broken and would take a long time to trust him fully.
You force yourself to trust, but made it conditional. You are letting this one slip but promise yourself that no matter how broken you become, the next time he does it, now aware of how much it hurts you, you are to leave. By then you would have proven, his care is in mid-air, and the love he thinks is real isn’t love at all.