Let me start off this letter by telling you this: You are not a fall back and you are not a second choice.
The way I love you is entirely different than how I’ve loved before you. In a way, it’s more mature, more selfless, more complicated but it is as real as my first, my second and almost last.
When I was with you-know-who, there was just something about his eyes that makes me want to melt like an ice cream cone under the burning sun. No one has ever really looked at me the way that he did, or more specifically, none of the guys that I have fancied. Whenever we saw each other, his eyes showed me how happy he was to see me. Whenever he calls my name, it was just like melodious notes in my ears. He made me feel special, he had me spoiled so much that even after it was all over, I wanted the things he did to me before. It was like a fairy tale and I didn’t want it to end.
The times I have spent with him were among the happiest moments of my life. Treasured memories and a beautiful history, but that’s all they’re going to be. Would you believe me if I tell you, that even during those times, I also felt something for you? It’s true, I never thought it was possible but I did, at one point I liked you both at the same time, but he was the one I’m with, the one who was there with me that what I felt for him was the one that gotten stronger and yours remain buried and untouched.
Forgive me for the choice of words but you are entirely different flavor. One I’ve never tasted, one I never knew I’ve been craving until I had it. You excite me, challenge me, makes me question things about life, my goals everything. You taught me so much and I can never get enough. Somehow, you made me feel more alive than I ever was.
When I was with him, I turn different. He inspires me to be good, to be ideal. I wanted to be right for him, to be his ideal girl.
With you, I am nothing more than myself. I need not worry whether I’m dressed for the nines or looking like I just got out of bed. I need not be careful with my thoughts. I feel enough.
I love you because you love to read and you to me is a book that keeps me reading. I’m learning more and more about you every day and I still can’t get enough. Of course I want more, I wish we can be more, but I love you and I do not want to force or ask you to do things that you don’t want to. I love you and even though it hurts, I cannot peel myself away from you.
I know a bitter ending is just around the corner. I am not enough to satisfy your desires, your craving and most especially your heart. When you said those three words back to me, I know I should be happy but all I felt is pain. We both know you mean it differently. You do love me but you are not and I don’t think you will ever be in love with me.