When I first met him, I found him fascinating. When we first hang out, I found him weirdly interesting and attractive. As time passed and we became close, I found him different, weird, cool, nice and attractive with a hint of being mysterious. I was drawn to him like a metal to a magnet. I found myself craving to get to know him more. I wanted to know what’s going on inside that brain of his. I could never get enough of our daily conversation.
It wasn’t long before he stopped being just a friend to me and started to become my muse as well. He was the ink of my pen. Unlike those before him, what I felt for him was different. My heart does not race when I see him, nor does my breathing becomes jagged. I was not consumed, I was still myself. For the first time, I could write and still be in control. I could take my writing to different directions without altering the reality.
In real life, he is just a friend who only see me as a friend, and I am but a girl who used to stalk him in the internet. In an alternate reality, we were lovers, denying our feelings to one another, scared of getting hurt and hurting each other. The problem began when the two worlds started colliding.
We became subjects to our very own social experiment. He was just kidding around when he asked me to be his girlfriend but I took it seriously and I said yes. Like most relationships, the early stage was awkward for us. We were only comfortable when we are not physically with each other. We didn’t conversed in two weeks, and when we saw each other, we only gave each other a high-five and then went on our separate ways.
He is four years my senior, hence he is obliged to comply with the social convention- find a girl and settle down. What we have is great but he wasn’t in love with me and I want nothing more than for him to find happiness and be with someone who will restore his faith in love, who will make him fall in love and take good care of his heart. This is where the story ends or maybe this is where it begins, for both of us, but with two different books.
In a way, I was in love with him and I always will be. I know for a fact that I will get jealous of the girl soon to capture his heart, because just thinking about it now stings my own. I love him and because I do, I cannot be selfish with him. I have to be a grown-up and let him grow up as well. This isn’t Never Land, we can’t stay constant forever.