It rained yesterday and I got soaked. I ran all the way from the plaza to our house which is 50 blocks away. When I reached our doorstep, I was shivering. I know I should dry my hair, eat something and warm myself up, but I didn’t. I went up to my room, changed clothes and lie down. I felt really cold, I could hardly breathe. I touched my forehead, and I found out my suspicion was right. I had a fever, but I continued to lie down. I reached down for the teddy bear that you gave me, and hugged it tightly. I didn’t want to, but I kept on calling out your name. Once, twice, a lot of times… I wanted to stop but I couldn’t for a couple of minutes I was calling your name, pretending as if you can hear, as if you care. It was as if I was drunk and unable to control myself… I thought that was it but then I started talking as if you were the teddy bear I was holding. I only realized everything I said just now. If I was in the right mind, I wouldn’t have done such a thing. I told you I love you a lot of times and told you how much I miss you, and then I guess I fell asleep because I couldn’t remember anything else.
When I woke up the next day and as I go back to that incident, I was confused. How come I did that? Am I still in love with you? I thought I was over everything. When we last talked I got nothing but a fast heartbeat and a numb feeling. Why did I act like that?
The next night I cried a little, also without my control. I cried and saying how much I miss you again. What is going on in that room? Every time I lie in that bed, every emptiness swept through my body, and made me weak.